DYING: A Book of Comfort
Companion website about dying, bereavement, loss, grief — and aging with spirit
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Funerals, cremations, home funerals, green burial, memorial services• Books on family-directed funerals • Planning for a funeral (advice from the Federal Trade Commission Links to Resources on funerals, cremations, services... Do It Yourself Funerals, transcript of a session of NPR's Morning Edition, The End of Life: Exploring Death in America (reporter Jacki Lyden interviewing George Foy, father of a deceased infant, Lisa Carlson, president of Funeral and Memorial Societies of America, Jan Berman, daughter of a woman who died of AIDS, Thomas Lynch, mortician, poet, and author)
Do-it-yourself or pre-need coffins from the oddly named Outhouse Charlie's Tradin' Post ((here's a story about them in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer). Check out also MHP Casket Kits (apparently a casket is the same as a coffin, but when it's more expensive you call it a coffin. The Sandler casket kit, also from MHP; casket plans from Casket Furniture. Some of these are designer for pre-need use--for example, as a storage box or a coffee table. Can someone who has actually built their own casket or coffin tell me about the experience, and where you got your plans, kit, etc., and if you recommend the process and the source?
Families Turning to Do-It-Yourself Home Funerals (video) Mike Sugarman, CBS5, interviews Jerrigrace Lyons of Final Passages ("I call myself a death midwife"), a video that shows the dignity of the home viewing, or read the story here. There's a more detailed interview, Caring for Your Dead (Ann Kreilkamp's interview with Jerrigrace Lyons in Crone Chronicles).Or go directly to Final Passages, Lyons' website.
The High Cost of Dying: Funerals, Burials Can Be Expensive by John S. DeMott (AARP Bulletin). There are lower-cost options, and ways to resist sales pressure.
In death, a promise for the future. As her world diminished, Elizabeth Uyehara signed her body over to researchers to help unravel the mystery of Lou Gehrig's disease. (Thomas Curwen, Los Angeles Times, 8-28-10, on the course of Uyehara's ALS and on what happens when organs are donated for science)
Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully - A Journey with Cancer and Beyond by Nancy Manahan and Becky Bohan (how Diane Manahan chose to live life fully at the end and die at home)
Taking Chance Home (Marine Lieutenant Colonel Strobl's simple and moving account of escorting the remains of Lance Corporal Chance Phelps home from Dover Air Force Base). You can watch HBO's film based on the story, Taking Chance, starring Kevin Bacon. Or check out the Chance Phelps Foundation.
One movie you may want to see: Departures (which I rented on Netflix, after a friend recommended it). A film about a very tender way to say goodbye. Another good film in the same spirit, also available from Netflix: After Life. Books and stories on Family-Directed Funerals A movement to bring grief back home, a Washington Post story by Rachel Cos, suggests sources of more information on family-directed funerals. Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love, Upper Access, 1998, by Lisa Carlson. A complete guide for those making funeral arrangements with or without a funeral director. Covers funeral law state by state. $29.95 from the Funeral Consumers Alliance or $18.87 from Amazon.com. Available at many libraries. Funerals Without God: A Practical Guide to Non-Religious Funerals by Jane Wynne Wilson, a handbook geared to humanist ceremonies in Great Britain, where they are more common. Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial by environmental columnist Mark Harris (a well-written and informative survey of the costs, processes, and effects of various burial options (from traditional funeral with embalming to cremation to various eco-friendly green-funeral options, including burial at sea or on one’s own land), with graphic descriptions of embalming, rotting, etc. Living Into Dying: A Journal of Spiritual, Practical Deathcare for Family and Community, 2002, by Nancy Jewel Poer. $23 from crossings.net or from Amazon.com Crossings publishes a resource guide containing “educational, inspirational, and practical tools” needed to plan a home funeral. Available for $55 at crossings.net. ~ The Book of Common Prayer Planning for a Funeral (Advice from the Federal Trade Commission) 1. Shop around in advance. Compare prices from at least two funeral homes. Remember that you can supply your own casket or urn. 2. Ask for a price list. The law requires funeral homes to give you written price lists for products and services. 3. Resist pressure to buy goods and services you don't really want or need. 4. Avoid emotional overspending. It's not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one. 5. Recognize your rights. Laws regarding funerals and burials vary from state to state. It's a smart move to know which goods or services the law requires you to purchase and which are optional. 6. Apply the same smart shopping techniques you use for other major purchases. You can cut costs by limiting the viewing to one day or one hour before the funeral, and by dressing your loved one in a favorite outfit instead of costly burial clothing. 7. Plan ahead. It allows you to comparison shop without time constraints, creates an opportunity for family discussion, and lifts some of the burden from your family. |
Green Funerals Are Nothing New
"There are about 20 'green' cemeteries in America right now, essentially open fields," writes John S. DeMott, in The High Cost of Dying: Funerals, Burials Can Be Expensive (AARP Bulletin). "Markers are made from local rock, and some families dispense with them in favor of GPS coordinates. "Joshua Slocum of the Funeral Consumers Alliance says there’s nothing really new about 'green' funerals except calling them that. 'It’s the oldest, most traditional form of burial,' he says. 'A simple burial in a simple wood box without chemicals or a concrete vault. Jews and Muslims have practiced it for thousands of years.'" Tell all my mourners
To mourn in red -- Cause there ain't no sense In my bein' dead. ~ Langston Hughes, "Wake" "Green burial provides us with a way of getting in sync with the natural process of death, decay, and regeneration, rather than having to stave it off, as conventional deathcare demands."
~ Joe Sehee, Founder/Executive Director, Green Burial Council
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority."
~ E.B. White "When I die don’t bury me
In a box in a cemetery Out in the garden would be much better I could be pushin’ up homegrown tomatoes." ~ Guy Clark, Homegrown Tomatoes |
